Wednesday, 31 May 2017

Unveiling Sacred Sexuality with Cyntha Gonzalez




What is Sacred Sexuality? How can we experience it? What role does it play in our spiritual practice? Cyntha Gonzalez, a transpersonal psychology counsellor based in Dubai, reveals to us all that we need to know about Sacred Sexuality.

Gracy (name changed) was sexually abused by a family friend when she was a nine year old and it traumatized her deeply. On top of that, she had a very unstable mother and was raised by her grandmother, uncle and aunt. She was dealing with emotional abandonment and sexual violation all her childhood. When she grew up, she met this amazing man who loved her deeply. She knew they were destined to be together and they got married. But she began to be very cagey about sex. She was sexual but it always had to be on her terms. He could never initiate. She also hadn’t told him that she had been sexually abused.

The couple came to me because an emotional barrier had come up between them. When they came for the first session, I maintained her confidentiality but I did mention that the components of sacred sexuality are transparency and radical honesty. Non-transparency diminishes the life force energy. Immediately after this session, she disclosed to her husband that she had been sexually abused. He was so supportive and also very relieved. He told her, “Oh my goodness, now I understand why you reacted that way.” This immediately opened up new dimensions in intimacy for them.

Sacred Sexuality

The case described above is sacred sexuality in simple terms. 
One of its facets is love making that offers a spiritual connection to each other and to our divine Creator with the help of mastery of the breath, intention and mindful touch.

Another aspect is ego - the emotional component. It includes moments where we are tested in terms of transparency. For example, when we refrain from expressing what we like and what we don’t, in the bedroom and outside, for the fear of being judged, we end up blocking the life force energy. And when we are unable to trust in something bigger than ourselves at the expense of our ego, this stops us from having emotional maturity.

How is sacred sex different from casual sex?

Casual sex is more ‘genital’ focused but the minute we enter into sacred sexuality, we can have it even if we have just met somebody. It’s harder but it can exist. It’s a place where it is about being very present, very mindful.

This could begin in the genitals and move upwards using the entire span of chakras, particularly the upper chakras turning lovemaking into a spiritual communion. However, we have sexual moods and some emotional needs and casual sex is nothing more than fulfilling each other’s needs and having a good heart-to-heart connection. However, it’s not a sacred dance, it’s not a prayer.

Does having casual sex take away the sacredness of it?

Some people are highly sexed individuals and others are not. So even a much-sexed individual will still be prone to using sex as an addiction and an escape. The question is, “Is it truly a prayer or an escape from boredom, difficult emotions, low self esteem, frustration or anything else?” A lot of people approach sex with a feeling of insecurity and neediness, as a reassurance that they are lovable, attractive or worthy. Can this be sacred? It can work as long as they are vigilant about not using sex as an escape.

Gracy and her husband came back for a second session and it started with the breathing exercise. They were facing each other and learning to breathe in a synchronized manner but she was getting very nervous. Her breathing was way too fast. So at one point I got up to pause the exercise. I placed one hand under her chest and the other on her back and asked her to breathe into my hands but that was also very difficult for her. She immediately started to cry saying she was afraid of full surrender fearing that her husband would leave her. I explained to her that being in the present moment meant embracing All That Is.

And that’s the beauty of why transparency is so important in the relationship.

After she expressed her fears to her husband, he assured her that he was right there and not planning on leaving her. I also explained to her that she must not make him hostage and that if tomorrow his truth is to not stay with her, she should be spiritually strong enough to let him go. This is a great example of why emotional issues must be shared openly in order to have a sacred relationship with your partner. 

Can souls which are deeply damaged due to past experiences also experience sacred sex?

Very much so and the beauty of it is that the partner who hasn’t gone through that same abuse will end up being an agent and will be an ally for their healing. When one or both were severely sexually abused in their childhood, the imprints of what happened to them could turn into dark fantasies but they would be able to share it with each other. They both would understand each other’s fears and inhibitions and would have a great relationship because of that.

Does this have to be only with a committed partner?

No, but I feel that to have sacred sex, there must be an ability to surrender. For most people, in order to surrender, there must an emotional safety. It’s hard to go deep all the way with another if there isn’t love and real safety. So yes it is possible to do it without a committed relationship but it would be challenging.

Does it matter what time you do it?

Good sacred sex honours foreplay and that is a 24-hour affair. Sacred sex is not a quickie. The couple needs to make time for it. They should be well rested with no interruptions by children or phone calls, and so on. The whole point of having sacred sex is to really connect to the subtle life force energy.

What is the role of orgasm in spirituality and the other way round?

Orgasm is a process of deep ‘letting go’ and ‘surrender’ and that is accomplished more through sacred sexuality than through the genitals. Orgasms that are genitally-focussed are basically like a sneeze; they are a big release on the physical level.

But orgasms within the sacred sexuality context are very different and they result in the circulation of life force energy through the entire body. All the chakras get opened up with this orgasm and it even goes beyond the crown chakra. It is a surrender to the emotions that come up as well as to the partner. Sacred sexuality and good orgasm is a quality of really seeing the face of God in the Other. It is a spiritual opening.

Can women who experience clitoral orgasm more often than vaginal orgasm also attain sacred sexuality?

Yes, definitely. There are 3 kinds of physical orgasms: Clitoral, G-spot and Cervical. The fourth one is Energetic orgasm which exists for men as well.

Clitoral Orgasm:
The clitoris is composed of thousands of nerve endings. It’s a subtle but also a very powerful pleasure organ. Clitoral orgasms demand a certain level of mental fantasy. They are more superficial.

G-spot Orgasm
A g-spot orgasm is different. It’s a very sensitive area and when it is rubbed in the right way, the woman is able to experience pleasure, not only physically but also emotionally.

Cervical Orgasm
Cervical orgasm is an entirely advanced level of having an orgasm. The cervix is extremely sensitive and holds enormous amounts of emotional content such as past traumas and unsaid truths. When lovemaking happens for about 45 minutes or more, the couple starts to surrender to each other. When the woman feels he is with her 100%, she feels loved and starts to melt. The more she feels safe, the more easily she surrenders and that’s when the cervical orgasm happens. Cervical orgasm is not necessarily so much about the physical pleasure as it is about the emotional and spiritual pleasure. Maybe that could explain why a lot of women don’t really experience cervical orgasm as  much as they do the others. When a woman experiences cervical orgasm, she might start accessing really ugly memories. At that point, her partner needs to be right there with her, assuring her that he loves her. 

Energetic Orgasm
Energetic orgasm is the one that involves no touch. It could be attained just through the way their partner looks at them in the eye. Both men and women can experience it with or without any kind of penetration or stimulation. If the couple opts for stimulation, the energy keeps building up. When he is at the edge of orgasm, if he clenches his penis muscles and pushes the semen back and then contracts really hard, he would be able to re-route that energy intentionally upwards, towards the crown chakra. That is what is called the Master of Ejaculation. This is an ejaculation-free orgasm. It can also be achieved with no stimulation to the penis and only with the help of breathing. Similarly for women, she can do the very same thing. The way her partner looks deep into her eyes and fixes his gaze, will cause her energies to shoot up and bring on the energetic orgasm.


Stay tuned for Part 2. More insights about a sacred sex exercise and tips to maintain sacred sexuality in your life.



Saturday, 6 May 2017

How I Met My Soul - Mahakundalini Workshop


By Deipshikha Dhankhar

Three months and I have learned to handle stress and anxiety through meditation. I am just kidding, I am on my fourth glass of wine tonight, sipping the eagerness I had when I heard of the Mahakundalini workshop. 

This stuff was getting more and more serious and throwing me into myself at a much faster pace that I ever thought possible. The workshop was by the same middle-aged, ever smiling man - Rae Chandran who I had met in the DNA Activation workshop. I have come to like him a lot by now because I really think his ideas of spirituality are quite cool. I mean, he wouldn’t ask you to sit in meditation for hours on end like some gurus who preach it on the idiot box. His approach was simple - look within. And which, by the way, is not as easy as it sounds. Anyway, I headed for the workshop after soaking in enough horror about it by reading it up on the internet. 

People slithering like snakes, moving like snakes, hissing like snakes, and what not! Sure, I have had nightmares about snakes since a really long time but no, I did not want to be like one. Those things on the internet also said that people become psychic, at which I laughed thinking ‘even more psychic?’ I was game anyway, just like the last three times I threw myself into the ‘unknown’ of these events. I only wish my life was borrowed and I could exchange all of this for a trip to Disneyland. This time, it looked like it is a trip to some snake-land! I noticed myself being unnecessarily courageous recently.  

There were people dressed in white, of all ages and shapes, to my surprise, little to no worried or nervous at all. One of them standing on my left asked out of nowhere - What is the meaning of life? Not knowing how else to answer that what-were-you-thinking-when-you-asked-me-this-question, I said - ‘I don’t know, Google is down here!’ Rae Chandran started his ritual for the Kundalini activation in the meantime with some really heavy breathing, reminding of the famous quote - If you have time to breathe, you have time to meditate. Sure, curse us for breathing as well! 30-40 figures of white in the room, trying to raise the snake sitting at the base of their spine suddenly looked like the most horrifying thing and I wanted to get out of there. But how could I have? Am I not the slave of my wait-let’s-see-what-happens-next attitude? I should have known better. 

Soon enough, through the thin opening of my eyelids, I peaked into the room and saw some really strange behaviour around. A lady was whiling really deeply, another one was actually slithering like a snake on her chair as her chair was screeching very loud, and a lot of them had lost the sense of being. I immediately regretted taking a snake-peak! 

The whole process got over in two hours and I didn’t, from anywhere, look like my kundalini was activated. To tell you the truth, I wasn’t quite relieved. I felt being cheated on. Here, for two years, three times week, I had dreams about snakes and when I really call for it, it doesn’t show up in my spine. What a betrayal! I thought only humans were good at it. But what happened at night was something unexplainable. While I was asleep, of course, I had a dream of a ten-headed snake opening up in front of me as I sat to meditate. It spread beautiful colors of blue, green and little bit of red around like a whiff of smoke. Instantly I was alleviated as the colorful smoke ran under me like a river, making me feel extremely light as if I wasn’t that body anymore. The ten-headed snake had giant brown-black eyes piercing through mine while my eyes were still shut. I could see it smile through my third eye. I could even see myself in the reflection of it’s eyes, smiling as if I was engulfed by pure joy and there was nothing else that could exist in that moment between us. All those nightmares I used to have about snakes, turned into this divine dream where everything was One. I felt like I could also control the time I wanted to lay in that dream, I could see around quite consciously and I could also put a pause, do some netflix and get back to hanging out with the titanic snake whenever I wanted. It was a dream, yet I was quite conscious. 


You wouldn’t believe what happened thereafter! And I know you wouldn’t also want to wait for the next blog to discover, but looks like you would have to. For now, I would lay in the source of this beautiful energy for a little longer and would tell you how far I went to meet my soul!